Infertility
Infertility is a heartbreaking diagnosis. For many, the diagnosis comes from having tried to conceive but being continually unsuccessful. It comes after many, many months of negative pregnancy tests and, for many women, miscarriages. It comes as a family tries for their first, second, fifth child. It comes to those who weren't sure they even wanted children, but are devastated at the news that they may never be able to choose.
1 in every 8 couples experience infertility. Despite this, infertility is not something that was widely talked about in the past. There has been more discussion recently through online outlets, but it still isn't a hot topic to discuss at the weekly girl's night. The truth is that it makes people uncomfortable. Those who have not suffered through the painful sadness that is miscarriages and yet another visit from Aunt Flo don't know how to comfort those who have. And those who do understand the pain aren't as likely to offer condolences and support because they can't support someone if they haven't figured out how to support themselves.
What people don't understand is that many of us aren't wanting your pity and we aren't sad that you have been blessed with your own precious child. We are sad and frustrated because we can't figure out why this burden is placed on the shoulders of ourselves and our spouses.
When Coley and I first began the doctor visits and began the multitude of tests that go along with the diagnosis, we were hopeful. Maybe there was a fixable problem. Conception is a tricky thing and there are so many puzzle pieces that have to fall perfectly in order for a couple to have a baby. When we were finally given the news that the likelihood of us being blessed with our own, biological child was slim to none, it was difficult to take in. We struggled with accepting that news. It took us a few months to really begin processing other options, and even more to choose adoption.
During this time, we had friends who had babies. We had family members announce their pregnancies. We were invited to gender reveals and baby showers and we went, smiles on our faces, despite the immense pain each and every one caused. That doesn't mean we weren't and aren't extremely happy for our family and friends. It means that we are extremely happy for you, while still frustrated and sad that we aren't ever going to be able to share a sonogram or throw a gender reveal of our own.
We both love spending time with our friends' children. We find joy in watching the children in our extended family play and get excited over the little things. I personally enjoy a trip through the baby section of Target, looking for anything that Auntie Kayla can buy for the kids.
But we also constantly think about what it would be like if we were able to have our own child. If we could share our own pictures and stories of our babies. At times like that, we turn to God and pray that we are following His plan. We find peace in knowing that He has placed this burden on our shoulders for a reason, knowing that we could handle it, providing us the platform for advocacy and awareness for infertility and adoption. We know that it is all in His hands, and we pray for those who are also struggling through infertility. Know that you are not alone.
1 in every 8 couples experience infertility. Despite this, infertility is not something that was widely talked about in the past. There has been more discussion recently through online outlets, but it still isn't a hot topic to discuss at the weekly girl's night. The truth is that it makes people uncomfortable. Those who have not suffered through the painful sadness that is miscarriages and yet another visit from Aunt Flo don't know how to comfort those who have. And those who do understand the pain aren't as likely to offer condolences and support because they can't support someone if they haven't figured out how to support themselves.
What people don't understand is that many of us aren't wanting your pity and we aren't sad that you have been blessed with your own precious child. We are sad and frustrated because we can't figure out why this burden is placed on the shoulders of ourselves and our spouses.
When Coley and I first began the doctor visits and began the multitude of tests that go along with the diagnosis, we were hopeful. Maybe there was a fixable problem. Conception is a tricky thing and there are so many puzzle pieces that have to fall perfectly in order for a couple to have a baby. When we were finally given the news that the likelihood of us being blessed with our own, biological child was slim to none, it was difficult to take in. We struggled with accepting that news. It took us a few months to really begin processing other options, and even more to choose adoption.
During this time, we had friends who had babies. We had family members announce their pregnancies. We were invited to gender reveals and baby showers and we went, smiles on our faces, despite the immense pain each and every one caused. That doesn't mean we weren't and aren't extremely happy for our family and friends. It means that we are extremely happy for you, while still frustrated and sad that we aren't ever going to be able to share a sonogram or throw a gender reveal of our own.
We both love spending time with our friends' children. We find joy in watching the children in our extended family play and get excited over the little things. I personally enjoy a trip through the baby section of Target, looking for anything that Auntie Kayla can buy for the kids.
But we also constantly think about what it would be like if we were able to have our own child. If we could share our own pictures and stories of our babies. At times like that, we turn to God and pray that we are following His plan. We find peace in knowing that He has placed this burden on our shoulders for a reason, knowing that we could handle it, providing us the platform for advocacy and awareness for infertility and adoption. We know that it is all in His hands, and we pray for those who are also struggling through infertility. Know that you are not alone.
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